silen-ce

~ bitter,sour & cold

admin — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 19:58:19 +0000

Sometimes I wake up so confused I have to wait for a few seconds to remember what time it is, and what I have to do…!! Ramadan has really mixed up my timings, I still love the peacefulness in the air, but these few days I’m just so mad, @ myself more than anything or anyone else. Just a lot of changes and a lot of unnecessary emotions, fear with a lil of confusion, ok make that a big spoon full of confusion!! *sigh* this meal is bitter, sour and cold!! not looking forward for eid at all!! I wana sleep it away. I got an email request for the 3rd time asking abt what happened to my story i used to post chapters from, so since I’m not in a good mood to write now, I might as well post a lil from a chapter that I never completed…, so enjoy~

” It was so easy for him to let go of everything, and not look back to see her fall to her knees as Rashid caught Reem and hugged her as she cried. ‘ I didn’t do anything wrong, he won’t let me explain and it’s no use coz…’ Reem was making no sense, ’shhhhh its’s gona be ok sis’: said Rashid trying to calm her down.. for Reem it was like someone just switched off the lights and left her in complete darkness with nothing but broken promises and memories. Weeks passed and the saying that time heals all wounds, was surely not true in this case. Reem was losing weight from the lack of appetite for food, her eyes plain blank and she rarely spoke. Her voice seemed foreign to her and her family, she just didn’t feel alive anymore.

In her room Reem would lay tiredly and watch old episodes of her favorite TV series not minding if she had already seen the same episodes 3 times already, and whenever she closed her eyes she would sleep for minutes or more and wake up shaken and grasping her pillow like she was about to tear it apart. She refused to put away all the pictures of Hamid from her walls and shelves despite her families arguments with her to do so. But when she locks the door it gets worse, taking all the photo albums out and spreading them around her in the middle of the room and talking to Hamid like he was next to her, calling his number over and over hoping to hear his voice but getting nothing but the operator telling her the phone is switched off. The emptiness Hamid left behind was too much, nothing and no one was able to fill that space and Reem was just a victim of love. She went to sleep that day after spraying Hamid’s favorite perfume on her pillows and bed sheets, stared for a while at the empty room in the darkness before gradually drifting off to sleep, warm tears came down her eyes as she held tightly to her pillow…”

chocolate & vanilla

s7oor

because…

“Keep tellin myself that its not worth it
I already know I don’t deserve it
But if its from you I don’t mind hurting
this is my perfect nightmare”

P.S: You need to get on my level,
‘cuz right now you just look like a fool
I’m so above all of this and you!!

I used to have a best friend ~

admin — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 20:03:01 +0000

I never lost a friend, due to a misunderstanding a fight or whatever, we all go thru rough times and we all need time alone and we all get busy in life and despite all that I thought I knew who my best friends were, I do, I just miscalculated them. High school friends, university friends, work friends, random even stranger friends. It’s hard to reach to me.. thats what most ppl tell me after a good period of time and I can understand why, for example the first two years of my university life was called me, myself and my walkman. I would walk to and from classes with my headphones playing something loud, thats usually what I do when I’m mad/alone… it wasn’t till I moved in with the IT girls that I got to interact with some who are now my best friends, 3amooh my roommate, meera, sa7ar, heddoty, um yazooya, and lots of others too. “it was like you were an angel sent from heaven” my roommates first impression, or so what she has always told me, even after graduation we still were very close, and like any best friend I used to call her to say how bored, frustrated I was or just how much I loved her. And it was because of that and the fact that I trusted her the most that I also feel like it was the only reason I lost her, and my fights to just try to find a way around these difficult feelings that replaced the old ones was just a waste of time. Sometimes I look out the window and drift away with my thoughts and it hits me how difficult its been without her, how many stories I have to tell how many moments I wished she was there with me… Disappointment filled that empty space, one by one..

رغبة مجنونة تراودني الآن …أود أن العب بالماء والصابون
اصنع فقاعات صابون تتطاير بالأفق …وأتابع انا تطايرها في الهواء …
وأود ان اطلق على كل فقاعة أسماء اشخاص خذلوني

the need for air ~

admin — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 22:12:55 +0000

I need to breathe, its not just a lung, air, h2o thing, its something else. Some ppl told me I should take a vacation, but work is the only thing keeping me sane lol I just need a pause button. I never got a chance to say good bye to our old home, I tell myself that I’ll pass by and just go look around one last time for a proper good bye, but i don’t go, I’m used to sudden changes & sudden loses. Maybe its for the best, and the funny thing is even if you prepare your self for a good bye it doesn’t take any of its pain away, not a single ounce. I know, I feel it everyday. I’m not adjusting to ramadan hours, my biological time is still set to 7 am and 12 to 1 am… not so good, its making me tired-er than ever before, this week has been like running miles none stop, not even to catch a breathe, but its what I need and the moment I had today which felt like a scene from a movie where the movement is played in slow motion was terrifying that left me paralyzed emotionally and running seemed like heaven. On the other hand, change… it always scares me, panic attacks and sleepless nights… thank you heddoty, thu ur in the US now, but distance never kept us apart, thank you for the warm feelings you fill me up with every time I talk to you, and thanx shemo for the encouraging talk, made me feel much better. sigh, living on a prayer, I don’t wana lose this dream, it feels like all I have left.

Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams ~

- summer.i.zation

admin — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 06:34:54 +0000

Ramadan Mubarak to you all!!! b4 you throw me with anything heavy next to you plz just hold that thought. sigh!!! its been like the 8 or 10 years of disaster summers for me and this year wasn’t the best either, I’d give it a 5 out of 10. Soo many things to say and express and get out soo little time, and lately i have been feeling like my time is very limited so I’m doing everything that keeps my mind rested and my heart happy. singing my way to work and enjoying every second of my job, taking the kids out and making them happy, helping others and decorating my new kingdom *yay*, and a lil something else on the way *fingers crossed * plus I’m living on a prayer.

Morning to work today, I just love it when dad tests me by blocking my way and parking behind me, and I love setting the timer and challenging myself and my muffin on how quick we can flee the situation, today 2 minutes gosh i love my muffin!! and half way to work, a series of accidents mainly little busses and a whole lane of tucks were just not moving at all, neways I kinda had a lil grudge on my lil bro who drifted off while watching tom n jerry last night on my couch, woke me up @2:30 am crying and I later discovered he wet himself n the couch X/, but he has a vip pass to do anything so I let it go and slept on it, the grudge i mean!! :p

I miss our old house, I feel miss placed in so many ways, sigh =(

until I have time to breathe again ~ enjoy the pix. -more will be added later on-

@summer in abudhabi

he gave me the look! XD scary!!

beep beep

vrooooooooom

~ Police friends

admin — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 09:08:14 +0000

the past few weeks in pix…

admin — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 17:40:36 +0000

~ Solo!!

admin — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 18:49:38 +0000

© Kimberley Joanne Sinclair.

“I’m feeling like a star, you can’t stop my shine, I’m loving cloud nine, my head’s in the sky
Yeah, I’m feeling good today
Time to do the things I like

No one to answer to, No one that’s gonna argue, no
And since I got the hold of me, I’m living life now that I’m free

Ya told me to get my self together, now I got my self together
Now I made it through the weather, better days are gon’ get better
I’m so sorry that it didn’t work out, I’m moving on
I’m so sorry but it’s over now, the pain is goooone

I’m putting on my shades to cover up my eyes,
I’m jumpin in my ride, I’m heading out tonight
I’m solo, I’m riding solo!!”

- Behind closed doors…

admin — Sun, 23 May 2010 06:59:55 +0000

__________

A happy lonely girl

She’s a seven year old beautiful girl. Everbody in the ward knows her, the clerk, the resturaunt crew, the cleaners. Even patients who stay for as long as a week get to know her. She’s been living in the hospital for over a year or two. She knows every corner of every corridor, the colors of all the games in the playroom, she’s a friend to everyone! While sitting writing at the desk, she would come up to you and with her joyful voice ask you to play a game with her.. Handing you a pencil and paper she innocently places it in front of you, so you have no choice but to play the game, in a second ! She would say thank you, noticing you’re busy and try with somebody else. Most of the time its Hazem our clerk, whom can’t say no. She gave the ward so much “life” and joy. With her princess highheeled shoes and her funny english.. Behind this little girls smile is a painful chronic disease and a forgetting family. She was born with autosomal recessive polycystic kidney disease. Which means she is in renal failure.. She lives on Peritoneal dialysis, which by the way she hates! She has to be in bed by 7 for the dialysis to start… When on-call, I usually pass by her room to say goodnight, finding her watching a Turkish series! One day, she fell in the corridor, she was found to have lost vision in one eye. Soon, the other. No more was her voice heard in the ward. Everyone was sad, she couldn’t leave the room without help. She complained of headaches, severe, that she couldn’t sleep. She was examined, tested, imaged and she had benign intracranial hypertension, which means that the pressure in her brain was so high, it was compressing the nerves of the eye and causing pain. She underwent a serial of LP’s trying to reduce the pressure temporarily, then she had optic sheath fenestration, which is a rare eye surgery. All of this is happening, her family just call on the phone. She is a lonely girl, please pray for her..

Friday at 11:24pm by Amal Mohammed.

.pic.summary.again.

admin — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 19:13:18 +0000

promise to write. soon.

xoxo

silen-ce

~ …got my friends

admin — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 15:41:41 +0000

{ Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy??

ok, this might be just the fastest post ever, but i need to get some stuff out of my system, drag race, exams, new job “just a shift not so much a new job”, mothers day, and car accident, blablabla… so much to say… so little time… will leave it for the coming update, till then, your prayers…

I’m stronger, I’m happy..

xoxo

silence

P.S: Asma Thank you^1000!! <3